Epic Rap Battles Of Hetalia: Fanon Vs Canon. "Arthur Kirkland"

Just a quick note before you read this, this rap was inspired by my own experiences with fanon Arthur accounts. I sassed a few one too many & they couldn't handle it. Quite a few follow my Arthur but never do anything, I guess the rap you're about to see may give the reason why, & also just a warning there are mild sexual references in this rap battle..I know you're going to read it but I thought I'd just say that just in case! I hope you enjoy!

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Alfred: Dude! A Epic Rap Battle? That's like totally awesome! So..What's a Fanon & a Canon? & Why is there a wimpy version of you standing there?
Arthur: How do I put this, Canon is true to heart Fanon is some rubbish a group of fangirls have created.
Alfred: Damn Son, Lol, watching you rap bro.. its totally gonna be funny as hell! You're far too stuffy to do anything like that!
Arthur: Stuffy you say lad? Well then.. lets crack on with this rap battle & I can show you whose stuffy.

Click For Instrumental Tune

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Alfred: EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HETALIAAAAAAAAA! FANON VS CANON, MY DUDE BRO, ARTHUR! BEGIN!

Canon: Now who stands before me with a pathetic look in his eye, Oh its the bloke that if you'll sneeze he'll cry. You my lad bring shame to my name, what do you think this is some idiotic children's game? The names Arthur Kirkland you don't want to mess with me, I was once a filthy Pirate that ruled the seven seas. What have you got to show apart from falling to your knees, beating you at this game will be a complete utter breeze.

Fanon: *Whimpers* Y..Y..You're a meanie! F..F.Fuck You!

Canon: Me? A meanie? Is that all you've got? For goodness sake boy wipe your face you're covered in snot. I'm not here to be cruel or mean per say, I'm just here to correct the errors & to tell you I'm not gay. Have you ever read a text book about the history of my life? Maybe you'd find out that I once had a wife. Queen Elizabeth the first stated she was married to the country, Hm lets see I need to put this to you bluntly. Never in my life would I want Alfred in my bed, the same goes for Francis do you understand what's being said?

Fanon: I..It's not true! I.. I love Alfred with all my heart. My King, come to me! I NEEEED YOU!

Alfred: I'm gonna blow chunks.

Fanon: BABE PLEASE LOVE ME!! I NEED YOUR WARMTH!

Alfred: Dude keep away from me! That's gross!

Canon: For goodness sake you don't get it do you? There is no one I love more than my sweet Honeydew. Now please I'm asking you politely leave Alfred alone, the sight of you is starting to make me groan. The one thing I'm going to tell you & I doubt you'd believe this, but Alfred over there came out of my penis. Do you have a clue how colonisation works? Have you heard of New England? Come on now you're driving me berserk.

Fanon: *Cries a little cause savage is turned on to maximum power*

Canon: Clearly you can not cooperate in this silly little rap, Its not like I give a toss or a crap. Please excuse me I need to get back my shed needs a second gloss, but before I go pardon my French but kindly piss off.

Alfred: Duuuuuude! Who won? Whose next? YOU DECIDE! EPIC RAP! RAP! BATTLE OF HETALIAAAAAA!!!

Alasdair Discovers ScotEng: THE SEQUEL

While the kettle was boiling Arthur made his way back to the Scot's study to shut down his computer, saving energy was important for the Kirklands they both agree to decrease their carbon footprint & keep the earth's air clean & free for future generations. As he was about to close all tabs his eyes caught a certain disturbing image & with no time at all the Englishman cried out in terror, "What in the fresh hell is all this?" At his exact moment Alasdair was in the lounge contemplating about his life choices, startled by the cry of his brother he rushed to his aid. Discovering Arthur sitting in the chair, whimpering, The Scot slowly made his way to the computer. Hovering his head over Arthur's shoulder "Whats wrang wi' ye noo?" But before he could continue his enquiry he once again received the horrendous flashbacks, He may have seen awful things but he certainly hasn't seen the worst.


"If I haven't lost faith in humanity before, I have now." Arthur Kirkland 2017
*Image Artist Unknown*

Alasdair Discovers ScotEng

It was roughly twenty minutes past one in the afternoon on a Thursday & Arthur was on his way to pay his brother Alasdair, a visit. It has been rather tedious time for the Kirlands so its high time for them all to spend some time together, bonding if you will. As Arthur made his way to the Scot's door he noticed that it was slightly open a jar, this was rather puzzling why would Alasdair leave his door unlocked? Growing worried he made his way into the house, it was silent but the silence didn't last long till he was rudely welcomed by a tremendous loud coughing from the first floor of the building, Calling out his name "Alasdair, Alasdair! Is that you? Are you alright?" Following the coughing to one of the bathrooms in the Scot's home, slowly opening the door & to his horror Arthur saw his dear sweet older brother head first into the toilet, With the sound of panic in his voice Arthur cried out "Brother dear, what happened to you? You've not got yourself a bloody hangover have you?" As the Scot calmed down from releasing his stomach contents into the toilet he looked towards his younger sibling. "Ah dornt hae a hangover ye wee gobshite. Ah saw somethin'.. somethin', very a disbursin'..". The Scot placed his hand upon the other male's shoulder, looking stright into his eyes. "Wee brither, Ah know ye ne'er listen tae me but.. listen tae me noo, dinnae, Ah repeat fur th' loove ay god, dinnae google ScotEng. Yoo'll regrit it fur lae ay yer existence." Fear struck within Arthur, Was this a ship? A ship that involved himself & his dear older brother? He wasted no time in aiding Alasdair back upon his feet. "I prefer not to see the horrors that you have seen brother dear but I can not have you laying all over the bathroom floor looking like this, get your arse on your sofa & I'll make some Camomile Tea."



"I've seen some shite in mah time & thes is th' warst kin' ay shite." Alasdair Kirkland. 2017
*Alasdair art by HurrHurr*